


What kind of heart doesn't look back?

by meridianline



Series: You Are In Love [3]
Category: The Vampire Diaries & Related Fandoms, The Vampire Diaries (TV), The Vampire Diaries - L. J. Smith
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:36:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4006072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meridianline/pseuds/meridianline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Stefan had fallen first?</p><p>How about re-starting from 5x17...</p>
            </blockquote>





	What kind of heart doesn't look back?

_He wonders what she would think if she knew..._

Stefan falls first.

* * *

 

He's thought about her before, thinks about her even. Not in any serious, consequential way, but he has. That much he can admit to himself. She's beautiful in a way that's hard to fully take in when you're in the midst of battle. But every now and again when it's late and he's three whiskeys in, she'll look at him and he'll look back at her and, as natural as anything, it will occur to him once more that she is breathtaking. 

His gaze lingers a little too long and she'll laugh, "Oh come on Stefan, I'm not  _that_ much of a weirdo." He'll shake his head, flashing his trademarked 'oh Caroline' smile, and pretend that he hadn't been fantasizing about crossing the short gap between them on the couch to cup her face with his hands and then... well, he tries not let himself go that far. 

He takes those moments and shoves them away and forgets they were ever there.

(except he doesn't forget)

 

\---

 

They spend the night wrapped in each other in the back of an old car. At least, he was wrapped in her. He went to sleep with her forehead tucked below his and awoke with his hand gently curved on top of hers, her left foot tucked behind his and her hair tickling his chin.

Half-asleep, he pulls her to him and nothing has ever felt more like home than her warmth next him. Lying there, breathing her in, he thinks that everything has changed. But once he's up and running for his life, she looks at him the same way she did the day before and everything's the same. 

That night they return to Mystic Falls and the air is warm and the sky is clear. They can see the stars as he walks Caroline to her door. A rare burst of spontaneity takes hold of him and he suddenly reaches for her hand, 'Let's stay out a little longer' he wants to say. But the moment she looks back at him, questioning his gesture, the words feel ridiculous. 'Thanks,' he says simply. 'No problem,' she smiles and heads inside.

Stefan has lived for over 160 years. He can count the people he's loved on one hand - Damon, Elena, Lexi. As he watches the door close behind her, he wonders how long it's been since Caroline made the list.

 

\---

 

The four of them go away to Caroline's father's cabin. He drives, Elena in the back, Caroline riding shotgun, the map open in her lap even though she's directing him without a single glance downwards. 

He's finding it hard to look at her because every time he does, she looks back at him and he feels like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't. Either that, or she's stretching upwards and his eyes wander down to her exposed midriff, and then he _really_ feels like he's doing something wrong. 

Once their bags are unpacked, the fridge is filled with blood bags and the light outside has dimmed to a comforting evening glow, Caroline decides they're going to play Truth Or Dare. 

It's tame and stupid and he can't help but find the absurdity of four vampires forcing each other to eat whole lemons amusing. Damon and Elena are somehow cordial and Caroline has spent the whole evening on the edge of the sofa beside him, humming along to whatever comes up on the radio. 

It's late by the time Elena decides she's heading to bed, leading Damon to announce that he's had his fill of high school fun time and then it's just him and Caroline. They keep drinking and talking and laughing because that's what they do. But the room feels smaller and their voices grow quieter. 

He's buzzed enough that when she re-enters the room, having refreshed their drinks, he stands up and says, 'Dance with me.' 

She looks at him carefully as she sets their glasses down.

'I dare you.' He steps towards her and says it again, softer this time, 'Dance with me.'

She smiles and places one hand in his, the other on his upper arm. There's something soft and acoustic playing on the radio and they sway in time with the slow beat, his hand dangerously low on her waist. She shifts slightly closer and her cheek comes to rest on his shoulder. 

The song on the radio ends but they stay there, barely moving, barely breathing. Everything is still. 

Then there's a scream from upstairs and they pull apart. Caroline seems unaffected, rushing to the stairs to yell to Elena, but his heart is hammering against his chest. The kitchen bursts into flame and their waltz is forgotten.

 

\---

 

'Stefan,' Elena says, pausing suddenly, as they meander down the road looking for their ride home from their latest Traveler ordeal.

He turns back to look at her. 'What?'

'Do you-' she pauses for a long moment, then catches up to him and loops her arm through his. 'Don't worry. I'm just going quietly crazy out here.'

'That makes two of us Caroline,' he laughs - then freezes at his mistake.

Elena stills beside him, 'Caroline?'

He doesn't really have an answer for her so instead tries to ignore her eyes burning into him for the next mile.

 

\---

 

When Stefan shares stories with Caroline, he tries to be brief, to stick to the Stefan Salvatore Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy of brooding in silence. But, even before he starts, he knows she'll get him to open up. Maybe that's why he talks to her in the first place.

He thinks it's odd that everyone seems to find Caroline insensitive and rude.

'You don't have to say,' she'll hurriedly reassure him if something ever gives him pause, laying a cool palm on his arm, 'I'm just being all bullish and Caroline-y - you don't have to tell me a thing.'

He doesn't have to, but he wants to, and so he spills his secrets across the table between them and she gathers them to her and makes him feel whole again. 

 

\---

 

Once he dies and comes back from the other side, things change. Damon and Bonnie are gone, some days he can hardly breathe but -- he's done hiding from this. He stops pretending that he doesn't think about Caroline. He thinks about her a lot. 

She comes by the Salvatore mansion and drags him to the woods. 'So, I've been thinking about it and when Jesus was resurrected, we got Easter and chocolate bunnies' she begins, 'Do you see where I'm going with this?'

He raises his eyebrows, a smile playing about his lips, 'Not at all.' But he sort of, kind of does. 

'Let's hunt bunnies. It's symbolic,' she nods and crosses her arms, daring him to disagree. 

They don't find any bunnies in the end. Instead, he gets an afternoon strolling round the woods with Caroline and he knows she's trying to take his mind off things. She carefully avoids the graveyard and keeps the conversation light, coaxing him into talking her through all of his seventies haircuts.

He thinks about her that evening, how she looked standing in the dappled sunlight. What she would have done if he'd reached for her hand. 

 

\---

 

He can't remember what it felt like to be in love with Elena. He knows he was, and he still loves her. But he can't quite grasp at how it  _felt_ , or what kind of feeling it was. In recollection, it's hazy and disappointing, like trying to recall a dream on waking. 

There's a party going on in the gazebo behind him but instead he's sitting staring out across the water of the lake in front of him. He takes a swig from his cold bottle of beer and leans forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs.

'Penny for them?' 

Caroline sits down next to him, holding her own beer bottle loosely from its neck. 'God, you know, I saw Tyler tonight and I remembered this night when we slept outside and it was  _so_ romantic and I just remember thinking I am going to treasure this night for the rest of my life.'

He doesn't want to hear about Tyler. Doesn't really want to listen to Caroline talk about romantic nights with him. 

Caroline huffs a sigh from beside him and takes a sip. 'When I saw him, tonight I mean, I tried to find that feeling again. I don't know why, I just wanted to feel it again. And it wasn't there. I guess I didn't treasure it as much as I thought I would.'

'Things change,' He says flatly. And then, because he's a worthless, stupid, stupid vampire  - 'Tyler's an idiot.'

'Oookay,' Caroline says slowly. She turns to look at him fully. 'Are you okay?'

No, he thinks, I'm in love with you.

 

 

 

 


End file.
